It Really Is You & Not Him: 10 Reasons You Can’t Find a Good Man

Link: => abemabve.nnmcloud.ru/d?s=YToyOntzOjc6InJlZmVyZXIiO3M6MzY6Imh0dHA6Ly9iYW5kY2FtcC5jb21fZG93bmxvYWRfcG9zdGVyLyI7czozOiJrZXkiO3M6MjI6IldoeSBjYW4gdCBpIGZpbmQgYSBndXkiO30=


Merchandise that is preferred brand new or otherwise not worthy of purchase? To absolutly love someone with all your being. Its a 2 sided coin, there's lots of lame guys out there, but there's lots of lame women out there too.

Birds of a feather tend to flock together, so you might need to change your scene if you want to get a decent partner. He will appreciate and respect you for it.

How To Attract The Right Man

Welcome back to Dating and relationships have always been hard. In this day and age, however, they can sometimes seem impossible. Particularly, women I speak to say that they can't find a good man. They lament over the guys that they say are stuck innot taking responsibility for their lives. They complain about the men they call nice guy, push-over types, who don't stir passionate feelings. They also have difficulty with men they label attractive jerks, who disrespect them, ignore their needs, and break hearts. Have all of the good men blown away. Personally, I would like to offer an alternative hypothesis—one where women have been put in a very unfulfilling double-bind. I would like to posit that cultural and biological factors have been pitted at odds, leaving women in a no win situation most of the time in modern life. Each of these types of love can have very different origins and be independently expressed for different people. For example, one woman might find that she lusts after her partner, is attracted to him, and securely attached perhaps that is the ideal. Another woman might lust after one man, be attracted to a second, and feel comfortable and attached to her partner only. These differences in who we lust after, are attracted to, and feel an attachment towards, arise because each feeling has an independent origin. Lust and attraction are often more why can t i find a guy, primal, and uncontrolled feelings. Usually, it is impossible to choose to be turned on or attracted to a partner. These feelings are more likely elicited automatically from certain cues in a partner. For women, those attractive male cues may include physicalsocial status, economic resources, ambition, industriousness, stability, and Buss, 2003. Attachment, however, can often be more of a conscious choice. It is possible to decide who to share a home with, how to divide parental duties, and pick someone particular based on safety criteria. Therefore, attachment decisions are often more greatly influenced by social norms and cultural practices. Think of the wish list some women have for the perfect partner. The Modern Dilemma Here again, I posit that at least some of women's frustration in modern dating can be explained through a double-bind. Let us look at this idea in more detail. Socially, today's woman is encouraged, empowered and perhaps expected to do it all. This, in itself, often causes extreme for the super woman and super mom. Social norms tell her she is expected to succeed in work, run her home, raise the perfect children, and be attractive and chipper too. It is also an order that requires women to be intelligent, motivated, powerful, and in control. Given those social instructions, women are motivated to choose men for how well they mesh with their life plan, goals, and ideals. Essentially then, some women choose to attach to men who are cooperative, agreeable, supportive, and often take their lead in areas the woman finds important. From a cultural standpoint, men who are categorized as disagreeable, opinionated, or expect women to acquiesce may be considered unappealing as attachment partners. Unfortunately, however, many of those culturally undesirable male traits are similar and overlapping with the traits that are biologically attractive. Although not always true, often the man who is intelligent, high status, and ambitious will be unlikely to take a back seat, follow, and submit in a. Generally speaking, men who have characteristics may want to lead in many situations. With those two feelings juxtaposed, women often find themselves unfulfilled in love. Many that I talk to seem to hover between what they call nice guys and jerks in their dating life. They become attracted to jerks for their status, ambition, and dominance—only to be hurt when those men don't live up to the cooperative and considerate cultural standard for an attachment partner. Women then may gravitate towards a culturally prescribed nice guy, only to find that they become bored, their libido wanes, and their eyes wander back to jerks. Either way, they find the relationships largely frustrating and unsatisfying. What Some Women Do About It Beyond highlighting this double-bind for all, I will save the what men can do for another time. For women, a why can t i find a guy of possible solutions exist, including the following: 1 Learning to Love Leading—one strategy adopted why can t i find a guy some women is to learn to love being the leader of a nice guy. Think empowered business woman, cougar, or even dominatrix. All of these women relish being in charge, empowered, and having their desires fulfilled. Getting what you want can be pretty attractive after all. This dominant approach may have a downside in resentment and rebellion however. So, be considerate and persuasive. This is more of the compatibility, eHarmony approach. These women evaluate and test men to find the right guy, a guy who will lead with their hopes,and goals in mind. They know that, if you're not driving, it is to pick the driver carefully. Thus, they find a man with strong, attractive attributes to swoon over, who will not end up treating them like a jerk. See my own articles for more on that,and. Here, think polyamory, open relationships, or a hot boyfriend on the side. When women can't find it all in one guy, some choose to mix-and-match. For a more detailed analysis, see Cashdan 1996. They divide life tasks and duties into different areas, with each being the boss of different things. Perhaps she leads with the finances, and he takes charge of the kids or vice versa. That way, everyone has a bit of leadership, responsibility. Conclusion Dating involves costs and trade-offs. Double-binds and unknown frustrations, however, can be explained. The choices may not always be ideal, but satisfaction can be obtained with a bit of knowledge. Go to for more dating and relationship advice in helpful categories. Make sure you get the next article too. I keep my informed : Finally, remember to share, like, tweet, and comment below. The evolution of desire: Strategies of human mating. Why we love: The and chemistry of romantic love. I think the bigger picture that should be taken into consideration is that people end up with other people for a reason. Few people seem to be willing to spend a period of their life alone to find themselves and learn to accept themselves, to build a relationship with themselves first. People who refuse to build a healthy relationship with the self will never be fully successful in a relationship with others. So many people these days are obsessed with always being in a relationship and feel insecure if they are not, this especially applies to women. Some women seem to love to complain, so its no wonder no decent guy wants to date them, they're stuck dwelling on the past relationships that didn't work out and too busy blaming the other person to take responsibility for their own actions. Its a 2 sided coin, there's lots of lame guys out there, but there's lots of lame women out there too. For every negative stereotype of a boyfriend is a girlfriend to match, and they often get together because they're both stuck playing games since they decided they wanted to be immature and irresponsible about their own behavior. Its likely that the lamenting women are drama queens who decide to play out the same situations over and over again because they know what will happen and they are addicted to the drama that will inevitably ensue. Both women and men can certainly get too caught up in all of the cultural scripts and what they think they should do. This is especially true if they first don't develop a strong identity, sense of self, and understanding of what they really want. I touch on those concepts in some of my earlier articles. See here for more: 6 Tips for Dating Success: What You Both Want Matters Why Dating Often Fails and How You Can Succeed. Who says women deserve a good man. Really, what does any woman, today, do to earn a good man. They all just think they are entitled to be unconditionally loved while they do whatever they want and the list out an impossible list of demands before they would ever consider a man worthy of their golden vaginas. I don't remember saying that women or men deserve anything. In fact, if you read my articles, I generally make the argument for a fair trade in relationships. I believe that all things must be earned. Yes, feelings of entitlement do seem to be an issue among people, but that doesn't mean that any one person has to buy into the b. I would recommend instead to screen and qualify any future partners for what you want, to the degree that you have valuable things to offer in return. If you are a good man, then don't settle for less than a good woman. If they hand you a list of demands, then ask them what they plan to give in equal trade for such traits. That tends to jar an individual out of the entitled mindset and back to the reality of fair trade. Either they will start qualifying themselves at that point and you have yourself a potential partner - or they will become indignant and you can next them quick for not having anything of value. On paper - what you say makes a lot of sense. I am continuing my transformation, and have walked away from potential relationships that involved smoking, meanness, flakiness, and dishonesty. The problem is that the list keeps getting smaller. I would rather be alone than in a bad relationship. I feel like I've done everything I can to meet the woman that I've defined - and even a little above and below that. I'm a believer in casual efforts lead to casual results. Wojoman, I can understand your frustration. Historically, men and women didn't have to negotiate these trades so directly. There were stable religious morals and social roles that kept everyone trading fairly and equally, without the need to verbalize it directly. Unfortunately, many people threw out religious morals - and the social roles with them. Then along came various gender ideologies that taught people to completely mistrust the opposite sex and, more recently, to devalue men altogether. So now, rather than having an easy cookie-cutter relationship formula social script to follow. That is not a good social basis to build a relationship on. Given that reality, some individuals do choose to forgo relationships altogether - either as a short-term only hookup type, or go their own way entirely. Others, however, do try to navigate the current wild west landscape and sometimes find love. Although it does often take way more work than it should, with society pushing against it, it is still possible. They can be dealt with by simply ignoring them, or deflecting them slightly in a different direction as I note above. However, I don't exactly grab a clip-board. Instead, I do something more like this: Woman: I want a man who will cook, clean, feed me bon-bons in bed, rub my feet, make a ton of money, etc. Man: Yea, all women want a high-end man. High-end men don't why can t i find a guy settle for any random woman though. What what do you have going on for yourself that will make him choose you out of the crowd. So why don't you just love yourself since it seems that's what you're best at. You obviously hate women so how could you ever be in a good relationship with them. You're doomed to fail before you start because your negative, resentful view. It's not like we have no minds to self-evaluate. People, for the most part, are aware of their actions; they just choose to ignore them. We don't have to live alone to figure out how to behave or our desires or likes. It's doing something with someone for a long time. I really think we need to take responsibility for how we think and behave. But if being used makes you feel crummy, you can't even like the person who is looking back at you in the mirror, then change your situation and leave it alone. The most important thing is for each of us to feel good about ourselves. I recently ended a relationship with a man who said he would be all the things I wanted but he was nothing but a street thug player like the man who why can t i find a guy me in the past which made me scared to love. Now as of yesterday I am with a nice guy and I don't feel the same spark however he is nice and want the same things as I. I was single until I was 22 and I was the most happy freakin chic on the planet. And it's not because I wasn't attractive, people still tell me I should be a model. I had tons of guys trying to be with me. I was a tri-athlete, honor student, very popular, talented, ect, but I had high standards and was attracted to men who were more mentally mature, but too old to take me seriously at the time. So I went on a few dates, but never found boyfriend material. Then, I finally gave someone a chance. We fell in love, he proposes, but I had to break up with him eventually, which was really hard because I sincerely cared about him and he would make it seem as if his life would end if I left him. Needless to say, he was crazy and the relationship wasn't healthy at all, but I was too loving for my own good and wound up suffering several years with him. So there you go for women always having to be in relationships. That's just so ignorant I find it completely enervating, especially when I look at myself and how far from the truth that statement is. And no I don't mess around or hook-up with people so it's not like I have to be with a guy in any capacity I do not have male friends either. I do however believe a key factor to my healthy self-esteem and self was because I had a very affirming and affectionate father so I didn't have that emptiness and insecurity a lot of women suffer from. But I find a lot of men cannot be alone just the same and for that very same reason usually and that is a trait I find rather repulsive; an insecure, needy dude my ex. I just wish that people wouldn't get into relationships when thy're not healthy and wind up hurting other people and messing them up. I was so selective and still wound up with a not so good man. It's making it hard to be the good woman I have always strove to be. How do you avoid these guys, really. And where are these good men. I think as men and as women, we all like to put ourselves inside boxes that simply don't exist. Women and men have some general differences and some general similarities in the way we think, but beyond that, we're all fairly unique in one way or another. People can't be lumped into one box that defines who they are. I think the key to overall fulfillment is to spend some time and define yourself. Don't put yourself into a pre-defined box that society tells you to fit in. Define yourself by the things that make you happy, the things you want to do or accomplish, your general morals and motives, and your short and long term goals. Do some planning and start living life by your definition of yourself. Everything else will fall into place around you after that. You will have good experiences and bad experiences, good relationships and bad ones. But, you will always be satisfied as long as you have defined yourself it can be an evolving definitionand you are living according to that definition. I have had 3 years of being single and the dating sites and the men on there expect sex and thats all their interested in. I was in a long happy marriage,widowed and looking for love again. I was in a very loving marriage 35 years because we were friends,lovers. To absolutly love someone with all your being. Anyone who wants this kind of love and friendship needs to open their heart to it. I have decided for me it was a once in my life and have to be satisfied with that because the males I have come in contact with don't have a clue how to woo a woman and be there for her. My late husband was always there for me. This is possible for anyone who wants it,it's a shame that so many guys don't maybe their lazy or don't know how to love. It has nothing to do with a person's wealth or career it has to do with where there heart is. He was supposed to be here now, damnit. You pay the price for hookup culture and so does the rest of society. Women waste their youth on why can t i find a guy and bad boys, whilst the good men study hard, work hard, endure being shunned, used, abused and wanting a family they cannot have: As their future partners are still busy taking it three ways by the local bikie club. Marriage was introduced for a reason - to ensure a stable society. The next couple of decades are going to be very interesting. I for one will be investing in pet food companies and Big Pharma shares. I'll make a killing with all of the crazy cat ladies who will boost my share returns with their tears. I can't understand some women who having hookup sex can be satifying. At the end of the day I feel lost and lonely without my mate. Love is not mentioned from most here. We were designed male and female to be together thats why we're attracted to eachother but monogamy from both is very important to have self respect and a lasting relationship. Male and female sexuality was controlled by the institution of marriage for an important purpose: The stability of society. But there will be a price to pay in the end as our society degenerates. Do you think our society is going to continue the way it has been going and prosper. A great deal of the blame can be laid at the feet of rampant feminism. You have to right to go out and screw every guy you meet and I have the right to hate you for it. We have every right to judge your behaviour any way we want. If we don't want a relationship with you because you've let yourself be used as a wipe -rag by a bunch of slobs, that's our right. I think you are merely speaking that way because you are a controversial type of person who enjoy the communication that comes from it. As you already know, a steady relationship is difficult to obtain, with so many people having different agendas, and not having the commonalities why can t i find a guy two people need in order to sustain a relationship. I really would like to know your view or anybody else's view on that. I hear what you're saying and some will say you have a very valid point regarding hook-up sex, but I say this. Within a sexually healthy person, the feeling to make love doesn't go away just because we don't have that someone special to share ourselves with. It is very frustrating to lie in bed and feel those sexual urges take over your limbs. Some of us are more sexually prone than others. The sex toys can only do but so much. There's nothing like having another warm, participating body next to yours. The toys cant kiss you gently on your lips and neck. The toy cant breathe in your ear and lick and kiss you all over your warm, tingly flesh. The toy doesn't have hands to touch you in places that will send you into total arousal mode. The toy surely can't speak sweet nothings into your ear and it certainly can't get a spontaneous rhythm going with you. I don't feel good about women having to take pharmaceuticals to calm their nerves because of lack of intimacy. People will judge you, so discretion goes a long way. Everybody doesn't have to know your business either. If it were meant for everybody to know your business, it would be posted in the sky. So, what you're saying is be a total slut and then lie about it so you can sucker some poor sap into marrying you. This is why men today must never make the mistake of marriage. Marriage is an evil trap that will ruin your life. Marriage was invented because women can't be trusted but today a woman's evil is none of your business. So shut up little man, don't ask questions and pay the bills and help change the diapers of some kid that probably isn't yours anyway. It wasn't my intend to offend anybody. I guess I didn't think it through enough before expressing my opinion. I understand why so many of you are disagreeable with it. I've grown up in the same society as you. Because unless you are why are you upset that women have sex. I actually am not a sexually active woman, but you're still sexist as hell. Firstly, men have done that throughout history and demand a chaste female while not exercising chastity or virtue themselves. I would like a chaste guy, but as a woman, it would be considered common place for my future husband to have multiple partners before meeting me and it would be an evil that is none of your business and not for me to judge. And I would be getting someone's sloppy, used-up seconds. Men are even expected to have many partner before marriage, so why is it acceptable for one party and not the other. Merchandise that is preferred brand new or otherwise not worthy of purchase. Gosh there's nothing worse than a filthy, woman hating hypocrite. Please, do us a favor, don't marry us, don't even look at us. Matter of fact, please castrate yourself so you don't ever have to endure someone else's sloppy seconds again. The big rush for sex in relationships is very off-putting for me. I am not a prude, but I am not comfortable having men rush me for sex. To be honest, the deepest love and longest relationships I ever had with any men were friends why can t i find a guy, if I had been asked at first glance, I would have said I could not have have imagined ever having an intimate relationship with them. Guys, if you want a guarantee of sex for sure, best to hire a professional. Don't pressure a potential girlfriend right off the bat. Not every women responds instantly. To be truthful, I think men will have sex almost 50 times more frequently with random strangers than women. That's the truth, especially among the 40 plus crowd. I'm 51, 18 months departed from my husband and I come across those types of men all the time myself. I've even met some of the online men in person and there agenda comes across loud and clear, but I am also aware of the fact that we as women have control over what happens or doesn't happen. He can't do any more than we allow him to do. So I just be my usual charming self. He will appreciate and respect you for it. So in other words, it's your duty to please that booty huh. If a woman is taking too long to have an encounter with you, then you should ask her why that is. Give her the opportunity to explain her view s. If you disagree with them, then you know right then and there she is not the one you want to continue spending time with. It doesn't make her wrong nor does it make you right. One guy I dated about five times had some physical or nervous problem. His body would jerk on occasion and he never told me what the problem was. My friends said to ask him, why can t i find a guy I felt I shouldn't have to since this was his problem, not mine. Bottom line, I felt he was holding back or being dishonest, which was too bad since I was very attracted to him and he'd been the first guy I'd met in a long time that actually respected me and didn't mind being friends first. And, just recently, I met another guy I was attracted to and, I thought, vice versa. He had most of what I was looking for. He wasn't perfect, mind you, but we got along very well and had a lot in common, yet after 5 dates he disappeared. I had to conclude he was only in it to get some. How very disappointing, plus being mildly heartbroken. I actually thought, since he was 60, he was mature and above that sort of thing, and would let our friendship grow into a mutual, good and solid relationship. So after that, I finally gave up and left that dating site after trying another several weeks to start over again with someone new, but never got one message from a man of interest. Finding a good and solid man my age is exasperating, and seems quite impossible. Too many just want a roll in hay and then it's onto the next one. How can I establish a good and solid relationship when most men have ideals such as this. What's wrong with being in love. Its you definition of love that's the problem Has it ever occurred to you that the men in that age group are coming out of sexless marriages and are sick and tired of women expecting them to provide companionship and emotional support without giving them sex. These men are sick of selfish women like you who feel entitled to get without giving. Your not interested in love, you're only interested in being served by love. Sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. At any age though, trying to get into a quality relationship can be difficult and dating sites don't lend themselves to lead to quality relationships for many reasons. As a guy though, I can tell you that we do expect sex to be part of the relationship to some degree unless something is not right. This doesn't mean that some of us aren't looking for that special lady to share life with though. An even bigger picture is this: Developing loving, caring committed relationships are difficult, but guess what. We take in information differently. It's not fair to blame a person for the way they take in information. If you meet a person and after talking and getting to know that person over a period of time and you realize that the two of you have indifferences on topics that are deal breakers for you, then take that as a signal that person is not a match for you. Don't blame them for not being who you think they should be. Just take it for what it is and run for the hills with a quickness. They might find somebody who is as so called crazy as they are and create a match made in heaven. And I've decided that there are more women I don't want to meet than I do. If they don't fall within a certain boundary - even if they look like Halle Berry - then I'm not interested. There must be similar values and interests. I can't speak for everyone, but I'm seeking an honest, authentic, stable adult relationship. I guess all is fair in love and war. It must be a man writing this bullshit. But don't worry ladies there is one out there for you. I've been cheated on and everything and if the guy really cares about you and loves you then he will put up with it until you realize that he isn't going anywhere and isn't like the rest of the assholes out there.

Then, I finally gave someone a chance. I believe that all things must be earned. Then do whatever you need to in order to correct those. Men can often miss the subtle messages that people send in their. First, you need to weed out faulty thought patterns. To be honest, the deepest love and longest relationships I ever had with any men were friends who, if I had been asked at first glance, I would have said I could not have have imagined ever having an intimate relationship with them. Now as of yesterday I am with a nice guy and I don't feel the same spark however he is nice and want the same things as I.